


borrowed time

by solikerez



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, I just really love naboo guys, Reylo - Freeform, desert girl can't swim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solikerez/pseuds/solikerez
Summary: Three days. Rey has three days on a planet of their choice. Three days of escape from the Resistance and the First Order and the messiness of war. Three days on her own. Rey is running on borrowed time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the Jedifest 2016 Exchange! If you wanna see more awesome stuff, track the jedifest tag on tumblr! You can find me there at [solikerez](http://solikerez.tumblr.com/)!

**day one.**

 

Fingers grip gritty stone, and she climbs. She climbs until her calloused hands burn and her arms sting with the mark of over exertion. It is here that she rests, this little nook nestled right below the cliffside.

 

She had hoped the view would help her quiet her mind. She hoped in vain.

 

_You were hoping I wouldn't come_. His voice rings true and clear, but floats like a wisp of smoke around her. The feeling of him is almost tangible, and yet she knows lashing out is just as foolish as trying to chase a ghost. The man of flesh and bone whose visage is etched into her mind is nothing more than a phantom here, a shade following her to the corners of the galaxy. She can never escape him, it seems.

 

_I had hoped, yes. But it was a foolish hope, anyway._

 

He remains silent as she speaks, a mournful, resigned sort of silence. The kind left for stolen moments when no eyes are watching. She wonders if he misses it, having his mind and as his and only his. No unwanted brushes against his consciousness or whispers in his ears or watchful, scrutinizing eyes picking it apart. She’d learned that feeling before, on the days where the barrier between their minds became muddled and suddenly it was his bruises mottling her skin and his cuts searing the skin into her shoulder and his mind being torn through relentlessly when she tried desperately to meditate.

 

She wonders if he feels like a prisoner in his own body as she does.

 

Three days. They’d given her three days to spend out on her own. Two hours spent mindlessly tapping on the control panel of a borrowed ship as she waited out the trip through hyperspace. It was a break from burden, an excuse to run from duty and responsibilities. She reveled in the freedom of escape, of feeling as if she was running away from everyone and everything.

 

She wasn’t. No, it had been General Organa’s idea to let her stow away from the ravages of war while she still could. Her who had called in a favor to get Rey safely into Naboo (“I have connections there,” the General told her, and Rey didn’t ask much once she saw the distant look in her eyes.) It hadn't been much of a choice, more an order than anything. But she took it, and she ran with it.

 

Three days on a planet of _their_ choice. Two hours travelling in _their_ ship. Always theirs. Even this break felt like borrowed time.

 

Sometimes she misses the days on Jakku, when Rey was _hers and hers only._ It was a hollow life at best, picking apart the guts of ships which had long since met their end, all to have bread to eat at the end of the day. But at least she had the freedom to dream of escaping that dusty rock and trekking the galaxy with nothing to bind her.

 

(She’d dreamt of her family too, but somewhere down the line that dream became more of a distant hope, something intangible but that she was just desperate enough to cling to.)

 

Even so, she jumped at the opportunity presented to her, and made the trip to Naboo.

 

It is a quiet, peaceful sort of place, where the people wear smiles as warm as the Naboo sun itself and where little children aren't forced to scavenge to fill their stomach and people like Rey can run away and pretend they have not just left behind a galaxy in turmoil. It is a place to get lost in, among the falls of Lake country, in the bucolic meadows where the shaaks roam and decidedly ignore her as they go about their business, in the Gallo Mountains where she stands now, listening to the man called Kylo Ren from halfway across the galaxy.

 

Oh, she can run, but she can’t hide.

 

_Leave me alone, Kylo Ren_ , she tells him, and makes the trek back to Varykino.

 

* * *

 

 

**day two.**

 

She’s up before the sunlight spills over the horizon, and she finds herself drawn to the falls. She hadn’t seen so much water since Ahch-To, even that had not been like _this._  No, the waters of Ahch-To were a calmer sort, dictated by a gentle push and pull, as if the ocean itself was sighing. But here, the waters rain from above and the mist doesn't settle until it reaches the meadows, and Rey feels as if she can get lost in the sound of it all.

 

Maybe the sound will drown him out.

 

He’d left her alone as asked the day before, which Rey had not expected. Her defenses shot up again, blocking him off from any further contact, but the traces of him remained. Their connection remained a leaden weight between them, becoming more unbearable as the night went on. She had come to the falls to escape.

 

The water is blessedly cold when she plunges into it, tentatively splashing around in it with childlike wonder. She wonders what it would be like to go in deeper. Will she feel weightless when she lets her feet leave the sand beneath her feet? Will it feel like flying? What will it feel like to plunge her head beneath the surface? Her curiosity is piqued as she steps a little farther in, testing her boundaries. One step, and then another, and another, until she makes one final push and she is _all in_.

 

She’s swimming, _flying,_  until her body remembers that she is a desert rat after all, and desert rats do not swim.

 

She thrashes as she feels herself being pulled deeper and deeper below the surface, and wills the Force to conserve her breath, to get her out of this, to send help, please, _please-_

 

And then she feels it. She feels his sudden presence ram into her consciousness just as she feels she can't hold on anymore, and it’s his arms that drag her up from the depths and his arms that wrap beneath her legs and arms to lift her, and his arms which set her down in the grass as she splutters in a decidedly unflattering manner (as if there is truly any other way to splutter).

 

His hand reaches out toward her head and she stumbles backward, eyes wild and hair dripping around her face. A flash of confusion crosses Kylo’s eyes as she glares at him, before setting into a harder stare.

 

“What are you doing here?” She practically spits at him.

 

He huffs, pushing the wet strands of hair from his eyes and combing his fingers through it. “Saving you, apparently.”

 

“You know _exactly_ what I mean.” She’s up on her feet now, searching desperately for her lightsaber. It was on her belt when she first plunged into the lake, and yet here she is, standing before Kylo Ren with no lightsaber to defend herself.

 

Except that he hadn't attacked her or left her to drown, as she would have expected. He went after her. He _saved_ her.

 

She hates having that sort of debt.

 

“I could ask you the same thing, Rey.”

 

“Well, I’m not here on a mission, if that’s why you came here. To _sabotage_ me.”

 

“There are more important matters at hand than sabotaging you. I assure you I didn't come here to follow you like a lost child, if that’s what you were thinking.”

 

“Then how did you end up here? I’ve been blocking you out for the past day, and you just so happen to show up at the exact moment when I’m helpless. Admit that you were tracking me.”

 

He rolls his eyes, his eyes glued to her as she searches desperately for her saber. He looks almost amused, the way corner of his lips twitches up the slightest bit at her frantic state. She’s _amusing_ to him.

 

“Shouldn't you be thanking me instead of questioning me? You lived on Jakku of all places, you should have known it was foolish to go into the water. And _no,_  I was not tracking you. Our bond is stronger than I had originally thought. I felt a tug to this place soon after I landed. I had no idea… I sensed your distress.”

 

She doesn't respond, retracing her steps to the bank of the lake. He’d sensed her distress, which was concerning enough on it’s own. Even worse, she's stuck with him now without a weapon, this man who has found a way to dig his way into her mind.

 

She hears the hum of a lightsaber switching to life. She should not have turned her back to him.

 

“Is this what you’re looking for?” She expects him to be wearing a twisted grin when she whips around, dropping into a defensive stance with her fists raised. What good her fists would do against two lightsabers she does not know, but at least she will go down fighting. But when she looks at him, he is turning the saber around in his hands, testing it with a spin and examining its hilt.

 

“This is really it,” He says in an awestruck whisper, the glow of the saber lighting up his eyes in a way that reminds Rey far too much of an excited child.

_Too human_ , she thinks.

 

“I couldn't truly be sure when I saw it first, but this really is it. Do you know the history this lightsaber carries, Rey? Do you know the legacy you carry on the belt? Do you know the legend that you so easily misplaced?”

 

She does. She knows the hands that held it, the blood it has shed, the things it has seen. She remembers vividly the flashes of a vision that had wracked her mind the first time she touched it. She remembers the voices that called out to her, and the last words that rang in her ears before she finally stumbled back. _Rey, these are your first steps_. She knows the history it carries.

 

She knows she most definitely should not have let it slip into his hands, and yet, he surprises her.

 

“Take it.” He has stepped forward and looms over her, the plasma blade long since switched off. He pushes it into her hands. “Take it before I change my mind.”

 

The creases in her brow deepen in her confusion, but she snatches the saber from his loose grip.

 

“Why are you doing this?” She asks as he turns his back on her. That is stupid of him, surely. She had learned early on never to turn her back on an armed opponent, and she is sure he must have too. He does not turn back around to respond to her, instead tilting his head and watching her out of the corner of her eye.

 

“I did not come here to fight you, Rey.”

 

“Oh.” She doesn't know what to say to that. “Why are you really here then? You never told me.”

 

“And you never told me. I think it is best that we leave it at that, and go our separate ways.”

 

He’s avoiding looking her in the eyes now, widening his steps as he strides back toward Varykino. She can avoid him too.

 

“Fine, but if I find out you’ve been following me, I won't hesitate to carve another scar into your face.”

 

He lets out an exasperated laugh. “Are you not the one following me right now?”

 

She doesn't speak again after that, instead allowing herself to get lost in the sounds of the life that flows through every corner of Naboo. She listens until they reach Varykino, clothes still half damp and the cool morning air cutting across their skin.

 

She’s just about to get away from him as quickly as she can when a maid catches a glimpse of them and clicks her teeth, shaking her head at the sight before them. Rey barely has time to glance at Kylo's shocked face before the woman makes a beeline for them.

 

“Miss Rey! You and your friend look like a pair of wet banthas, let me get you inside! You’ll get sick if you stay like this, the both of you!” Rey stumbles forward as the woman grabs her by the sleeve of her shirt and pulls the two of them inside. She pushes Rey and Kylo into chairs and tells them to stay put as she grabs them dry clothes.

 

It’s Kylo who speaks first, shaking his head as a long groan slips past his lips. “This is your fault.”

 

She doesn’t quite know how to respond to him. It _had_ been her fault, but she would die before she admits a mistake to Kylo Ren. Instead she huffs and slides further down her chair as she silently wishes for a fire or a blanket or anything to help warm her up.

 

She perks up when he stands up and begins to walk around. His pacing worries her, as if he knows something horrible that she does not.

 

“What’s wrong?” She should _not_ be asking him that, but she can hardly help it, the way his discomfort bleeds from his mind into her.

 

“This house. This is where my-” He shakes his head vigorously. “This is where my grandmother used to stay. This is where my grandparents married.”

 

“Oh.” She had known that General Organa had connections in Naboo, but she didn’t know that she would be staying in the home of General Organa’s own _mother_. Rey had gathered bits and pieces about the woman. She knew that the woman had been one of Naboo’s youngest queens and senators, an Amidala by title and a Naberrie by blood. She knew that her marriage to Anakin Skywalker had started in secrecy and ended in tragedy, and that she died right after her two children were born. She knew that the woman was a fighter and a lover of democracy, and that although General Organa had never known her, a sad smile passed her face whenever someone uttered the name. This was the house of Padme Amidala- no, Padme Naberrie.

 

Kylo’s pacing has become more frantic, and she can tell by the way his fist clenches and unclenches that he is holding back from _something_. Her hand seems to move of its own accord; she reaches out and grabs him roughly by the shoulder.

 

“Get ahold of yourself,” she whispers harshly, glancing at the doorway from the corner of her eye. _They don’t know who you are, do they?_ The bond between them thrums as he hesitates to answer.

 

_They don’t. And I need it to stay that way_ , he tells her as his eyes travel down to her hand, which still rests on his shoulder. She doesn’t know why she holds on for a few seconds longer, holding his stare when he lifts his gaze, but she refuses to be the one to move first. No, she will not be weak in front of Kylo Ren again.

 

Or _Ben_ , she supposes. The name tastes sanguine in her mouth as she bites her tongue to keep from saying it. It is a taboo name, one only uttered in whispers (or shouts across a bridge standing over a black abyss, vulnerable and pleading.) She hates that she can only think of that moment on Starkiller whenever she thinks of it, of _Ben,_  when she watched as a crimson plasma blade speared itself through Han’s chest, and he fell like lead into the void’s cold embrace. She hates that the name plagues her so.

 

But she is in his family home, and something feels wrong about ignoring it. She is standing in front of Kylo Ren, but she can’t ignore Ben Solo any longer. He must be in there, somewhere. Kylo Ren would not offer to teach her instead of pushing her to her death when the earth was crumbling beneath her feet on Starkiller. Kylo Ren would not have saved her from the lake. Kylo Ren, who was so desperate for her lightsaber that day on Starkiller, would not have handed it back to her of his own free will. Ben Solo is a shade of a man, but he is still in there, somewhere.

 

It is Kylo who shows weakness first. He drops his gaze and turns away, dropping unceremoniously into his chair. She wonders if he could sense her thoughts.

 

Footsteps grow louder down the hall and Rey is quick to drop to her chair as well.

 

“I found some clothes. I made do, but mind you it’s been a very long while since I’ve had to find clothes for someone as large as _you,_ ” she says pointedly to Kylo, throwing him a white tunic and black pants, much to Kylo’s annoyance. It nearly makes Rey chuckle then and there, the thought of the great and terrible Kylo Ren, enforcer of the First Order and Master of the Knights of Ren, wearing white clothes from his grandmother’s house. She bites her tongue when she catches Kylo’s glare.

 

“And for you, Miss Rey. Now don’t go getting sick while you’re here, I won’t have that. I’ll be making some soup for you and your friend- what is your name, Sir?”

 

“Ben!”

 

“Ren.” They look at each other from the corners of their eyes. _Let me handle this,_ she thinks. He merely nods.

 

“Ben Ren. I think his parents must have thought it funny to make his names rhyme.”

 

The woman leaned in closer to Rey, eyes widening in disbelief as she whispered. “ _Ren?_ As in the Knights of Ren? I wasn’t aware that any of them were on planet.”

 

Rey glances at Kylo- _Ben_ nervously. If his cover was blown, Rey might be able to bring him in, but there’s no telling how he would react. He might attack the woman for what she knows, or escape and let the First Order know of her whereabouts. No, better to let him keep his cover.

 

“An unfortunate coincidence, really. Ben is the last person who would ever join the Knights of Ren, right Ben?” She revels in the satisfaction of watching him squirm as he plasters a smile onto his face. It is a sight she never thought she would see.

 

“Of course. Rey would know that better than anyone.”

 

The woman is not so easily convinced. “How exactly do you two know each other?”

 

It is Kylo who speaks up first. “I met her years ago, when she was still on Jakku. I was working with a piece of junk ship and it needed parts, so I made a stop at Niima Outpost to try to make a deal. The junk boss there was trying to swindle me, but Rey here helped me negotiate. I don’t know why she helped me, but she did. I hadn’t seen her in ten years, but it seems we managed to cross paths here.”

 

“Oh, well it seems as if you two have some catching up to do then. I’ll leave you two it. And I prepared a room for you just in case you needed it, Mister Ren.”

 

“Thank you, but I won’t be needing it. I plan to leave today.”

 

“All the more reason for you to catch up then. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” The woman hands Rey her clothes before taking her leave, leaving Rey feeling utterly bewildered. She whips around at Kylo, who is staring down at the clothes in his hands.

 

“What was that? Are you leaving because I’m here? And what was that story?” He smiles sadly at her, and brushes past her.

 

“Go get changed, Rey.”

 

“Fine. But you had better not leave without explaining _everything._ ” She huffs, and turns on her heel. She peels her damp clothes from her skin and replaces it with a dry set of gray leggings and a tunic, redoing her buns hastily as she hurries back. Kylo is not where she left him.

 

_Where are you?_

 

_On the balcony._  She finds him there, looking out over the glistening waters than span throughout Lake Country. There's something calming about the way the sunlight hits the water.

 

“Explain.”

 

He sighs as his fingers tap the balcony and his thumb delicately bushes the petals of a blossoming flower, taking the time to prepare himself.

 

“When I saw you on Takodana I knew there was something that I recognized you. How could I not? You- I’ve always remembered you. The girl on Jakku who tugged on my sleeve and offered her help when I just about wanted to _kill_ that filthy Crolute for trying to swindle me. The girl who made me promise to let her see inside my ship as payment for helping me out. The girl who lit up whenever she saw a part that she recognized. The girl who asked me why I was travelling all alone. The little sunshine girl on Jakku who told me not to worry, that she was alone too, and that we could be alone together. The girl who made me swear that I would come back to her if I had any more problems with my ship, made me promise to tell her stories of my adventures, made me promise that I would visit her again someday. The lonely girl on Jakku who I had to leave behind.”

 

He’s looking at her now, trying to gauge her expression, but Rey doesn’t know how to feel. How should she feel when she can now understand the strange familiarity in his eyes when she first saw them on Starkiller Base? How should she feel when she finally knows what he meant during the fight in the snow, when she heard those three words pass his lips: it is you?

 

“Why did you come to Jakku?” It’s all she can ask, all that her mind will allow her to say, because everything else is just _too much_.

 

“It was right before everything happened at the Jedi Praxeum. I- I had just gone to see the Supreme Leader for the first time, and I was weak. I wasn’t ready to go to the Praxeum, because I knew what I had to do, and I just _couldn’t_. And so I tampered with the parts on my ship on my way to Yavin 4. Not enough to make it unflyable, but enough that I could stall for a little while. It seems so silly and trivial now, sabotaging myself to delay the inevitable, but if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have met you.”

 

“But why do you _still care_? That was years ago. You’ve had enough opportunities to kill me, and yet you haven’t. Why?”

 

“Because you made me feel less afraid. Less alone. In your eyes, I was an adventurer. I was something special, something better. And I think I saw a bit of myself in you, but there you were, just this being so full of light despite _everything_. And you were so desperate to not be alone anymore, and I just wanted to hold on. But it was selfish to hold on to that, the little bit of light that you were, especially when I had already made my decision. I knew the path I was taking was not one of the light. And so I knew I could never come back to you. I could never come back as this creature in a mask. I wiped your memory, so that you would never remember me. Better to think I never existed than to be left behind again.”

 

She had felt his loneliness when she plunged into his mind all those months ago on Starkiller. She sensed his desperation for something better, a feeling which mirrored her own. It was as if she was staring at a darker shade of her reflection, and at first it had scared her.

 

But now, it gives her hope.

 

“When you came to me on Jakku, did I ask you your name?”

 

He hesitates. “Yes.”

 

“And what did you say?”

 

“I told you- I told you that my name was Ben Solo.”

 

Rey fights the urge to curl her lips into a small smile. “That’s all I wanted to know, Ben Solo.”

 

He practically snarls at her. “I didn’t say you could call me that.”

 

“Well, technically you did. And I think I’m going to stick to it.”

 

A silence falls over the two of them, and Rey turns her attention to the rolling hills of Naboo. Vibrant greens and blues stretch as far as she can see, and she understands why General Organa sent her here in the first place. Naboo is a place of rejuvenation and new life. It is a place of new beginnings.

 

“I’ll be departing tonight,” Kylo says, clearing his throat as he leans farther over the balcony’s ledge. “You needn’t worry about your location being _passed on_ during your stay here. I will leave you be.”

 

“Leaving so soon?”

 

“I was sent here to learn more of the origins of Darth Sidious, as he grew up here. But it was a fruitless venture. Anyone who would know anything about who he truly was has long since been gone from this place. Truthfully, I only stayed because I sensed you. I couldn’t leave while you were in distress.”

 

“Oh.” She says, letting the silence hang between them again. He turns his back to leave, but she grabs him by the sleeve and tugs. “Thank you. For saving me.”

 

“Of course, Rey.” He gently uncurls her fingers from his shirt and lets it drop by her side.

 

“Oh, and Ben?” He still flinches at the name, but does not object.

 

“Yes.”

 

“For what it’s worth, I like _this_ you much better than the creature in the mask. That doesn’t have to be you.”

 

He shakes his head, carding his fingers through his hair as he leans on the doorway. “If you say so, Rey.”

 

And like a phantom, he is gone.

 

* * *

 

 

**day three.**

 

 

Rey departs from Varykino in the morning, when the sunlight has has just begun to dust over the trees. The maid had worried over her the night before, when Kylo had left without telling her, leaving on bowl of piping hot soup uneaten on the table. The soup went cold that night.

 

She spends most of the trip back to D’Qar kicking herself for letting Kylo go, when she should have dragged him back, even if it was kicking and screaming. But despite everything, she feels hopeful. Somewhere, beneath the layers of Kylo Ren, Ben Solo is peeking through, and she knows that the disguise that is Kylo Ren is just running on borrowed time.

 

And that time is almost up.


End file.
